"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
So... this post is just from my heart... because I feel like I just have to put it out there.
I have faith. I have had it for a very long time, and my belief that things happen for a reason is a very strong one. My family has been through a lot over the years... job losses, moves, more job losses... recoveries... and every time, I have believed that there was a reason for it, a lesson to be learned. God has an amazing way of knowing just what we need to figure out, although His methods of teaching us are not always the same ways we might choose!! :)
Having been down some crazy paths, and having believed through the meandering ways we've gone that there is always a purpose, I've always felt strong and secure when we've come out on the other side. "Look at us! We did it... we're okay, we're stronger, and we're moving on."
So, the place that I am in now is a strange one to me.
I feel like we're in a really good place right now. My husband survived a recent job upheaval, and came out of it in a position that has great potential for him, although the current "learning curve" going on has him a bit frazzled. But the big picture for him is good. My own personal life is on the upswing -- I've started to accomplish some personal goals I've been working towards, and I feel very positive about where I am at. As a family, we're working hard to make strides in a lot of different areas, and are starting to see the fruit of our labor.
So -- why I feel nervous about it all at the same time has me a bit against a wall.
I came to realize, as I thought about it, that there have been quite a few other times where I have felt similarly. Times where I felt like we were finally getting our ducks in a row, that things were finally getting figured out and squared away. And then, WHAM!! Out of the blue comes a situation that rocks our world, and puts all of that good stuff on the back burner. And once again, we have to re-group, re-evaluate, and change things up to get back past surviving and into living.
I guess after having had that happen quite a few times, I am now gun-shy of feeling positive and secure, feeling like things are moving forward once again. It's like I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop -- because it feels like it always has.
And that makes me question just how strong my faith really is.
Do I really believe that everything that has happened in our lives is for a greater purpose?? Yes. Unquestioningly, I do. But I guess that also doesn't keep me from wanting just a period of "good things"... to listen to that little voice in my head that says, "Please? Can we finally have hit our stride??"
I know God only gives us what we can handle, and that everything we go through makes us stronger. And I know for certain I am not done learning -- there is PLENTY more growth out there for me!
But I guess I am hoping that for now... my faith can be allowed to be not only strong enough to believe that we have been tested and tried to become better, but also strong enough to believe that we can have good things in our life, too. Because for now, I am happy. I am content. I am enjoying where we are at, what we are learning, the strides we are making. I would just like to continue down this path for awhile....
